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27 July 2004 @ 07:49 pm
Have you ever eaten something so good that it made your thigh muscles quiver?
25 July 2004 @ 04:20 am
Going to Grandma's. I'll be back on Tuesday. If you see me online before then, that's just the computer at Amy's house being stupid. Grr.

I'm worried about my grades.
22 July 2004 @ 06:44 am
HELLZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17 July 2004 @ 01:58 am
For some ridiculous reason, the computer at Amy's house keeps logging me on (though I disabled that). If somebody IMed in the past several days--or plans to IM me over the weekend--and there was no response, that's why. I keep bumping it off when I log onto my own computer, though, so I am around occasionally.
15 July 2004 @ 01:54 am

The Jesus LiveJournal Thing
LJ Username
They will deny me three times: scriptkitty
They will betray me: listener
They will crucify me: black_daisaku
This Quiz by missing - Taken 942 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

Yeah, a B- on a midterm is infinitely preferrable to an F.

I have been pretty tired lately. I've had a few surprises, some good and some bad. I want to see King Arthur.
13 July 2004 @ 11:37 am
I'm so bad. I'm playing hooky. Don't play hooky, kids.

But...I haven't played hooky all session, and I have been so tired lately--not to mention horribly stressed out.

I think I'll nap a bit longer, brush my teeth (I just got up to walk the dogs), try calling Lizzy, and take the bus to school to meet up with her for lunch.
Current Mood: devious
12 July 2004 @ 06:40 pm
I managed to get into two fights today. *slams head into desk* I feel guilty for this afternoon.

Something RandomCollapse )
Current Mood: distressed
12 July 2004 @ 01:25 pm
Did I mention that I also had a test this morning and I've had no sleep?
12 July 2004 @ 01:07 pm
Oh God, that was scary. My PHIL TA came up to me at the end of the class as she was passing back midterms, sat next to me, and said, "I know that you said that you were tired that day...but you didn't do the second essay." My brain died and I just sat there, holding my head and staring at the essay topics in horror. When she went back to the front to discuss the syllabus with the only remaining student, I managed to get my brain working enough to look at my failed blue book.

She'd graded both essays as one. I was tired and in a hurry, so didn't label them as 1 and 2 (though the second essay started on the next page, was about an entirely different topic, and there were six lines of white space at the end of the first essay). She said that that'd never happened to her before, and that she'd look at it again.

I guess I'll lose the A- she gave me for the "first" essay, but I'd gladly take two Cs. I seriously thought that I might have been on the verge of an attack. My hands are still shaking.
Current Mood: drained
12 July 2004 @ 04:29 am
11 July 2004 @ 11:58 pm
So I just watched When Harry Met Sally on AMC. I've seen it a hundred times, but I get caught up every time I see it. It's just so cute. I mean, movies always make a big deal of the love at first sight, tempestuous crap, but I've never found love to be like that.
I'm almost 22, and I've been in love--the real kind--perhaps once. I've been infatuated, I've been deluded, but those times were not love. The Harry and Sally kind makes sense to me. There's many kinds of love, and I just don't think the romantic type should be first. *shrug* Goodness knows, when I've tried that, it's backfired horribly. I guess that's one reason why I've never really felt a compulsion to date; I'm not attracted to strangers, and once my affections have been secured by someone, I have little interest in anyone else.
Current Mood: contemplative
11 July 2004 @ 01:47 am
I'm just so frustrated with people right now.
Current Mood: lonely
10 July 2004 @ 01:59 pm
For some odd reason, Amy's mom's computer keeps randomly shutting off (never when I'm around to see it, though). If you need to get a hold of me, odds are that I'm here and just not online. It's 408-0678 if you need to talk.
Current Mood: confused
07 July 2004 @ 04:27 am
I can feel this slight edge of hysteria, like the beginning of a panic attack rolling in. It's not about my test, but about my GPA overall. My stomach hurts, I can't sleep...and I'm taking comfort from Bill O'Reilly. This is not good.
07 July 2004 @ 02:08 am
I should be studying, right?
Silly reader.

You know, I take a lot of crap for liking country. It's what I was raised on, and people don't give it enough credit. Country has some of the best lyrics and singers around. I just saw a beautiful Martina McBride video for this song "How Far". I highly recommend giving it a listen. "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" is such a rude song. I can't help thinking that Julius would like it.

I'm sick of being trapped with the dogs. I think I'm so tired because I had to trek back here in the heat of the day.
Current Mood: lonely
07 July 2004 @ 12:06 am
Chapin, you punked out so early this evening. Weak!
Current Mood: mischievous
06 July 2004 @ 01:08 am
So does this make me Il Duce?Collapse )
Current Mood: lonely
05 July 2004 @ 04:10 pm
Me: They have Alien 3, too.
Julius: if we do watch something violent, can it not deal with aliens?
Me: You don't like aliens?
Julius: i only like 2 and 3
Julius: and i hate movies which involve shit jumping out at me really quickly
Me: Ah, it is the Aliens series that you object to.
Me: How about Predator, then?
Julius: thats acceptable

I can't help thinking that something is off there. Julie is silly.
Current Mood: bored
05 July 2004 @ 02:34 am
That was a lovely cookout. It would have been better if the whole family had been in town, but much fun was had, and I definitely needed that.

Thanks Julius.
Thanks Michael, for listening to the ramble.
Thanks Amy.
Thanks Holly. We definitely need to talk more.
Thanks Lizzy.

I was brushing my teeth the other day (remember kids, hygiene is not optional) and glanced over at the wall plaque. It was Desiderata. I read it, and thought about it. Desiderata...all the necessary things. I'm on my way to having all the necessary things. It's stupid to blubber about days gone by.
Current Mood: calm
04 July 2004 @ 03:10 am
I really need a hug right now.
04 July 2004 @ 02:54 am
02 July 2004 @ 10:55 am
Hot damn, I'm good. The revision of my paper is done 45 minutes before my class, and it's longer than it had to be. I am a VEENNAR!

Unfortunately, I'm a hungry veennar.
Current Mood: accomplished
30 June 2004 @ 12:42 am
Damn synesthesia. Every time I put one of these cashews in my mouth, I smell a horse barn. To clarify, these cashews have no smell, but I smell a musty, hay-filled barn as I taste them. They do not normally taste-smell that way, which means that I am either stressed or chemically imbalanced (can I take option D, "All of the Above"?).
27 June 2004 @ 10:13 pm
I would kill for a backrub.
You ever skipped rocks on a lake in the middle of the night? Great stuff.

A paper and a test on Wednesday. I hope that tomorrow--full of nothing--will facillitate some writing.

The seratonin deficiency continues, but I think that I now have a bit of perspective on it. For most of the week I've worried and worried about just what the Hell was going on. I've stopped hating myself now.

Eggs in one basket...I don't even like eggs.

25 June 2004 @ 11:30 pm
Wow, this medication is fucking my hormones up to Kingdom Come. I really want to be alone right now. Dammit.
Current Mood: weird
22 June 2004 @ 11:02 pm
Damn, today has sucked. I woke up--after 2 hours of sleep--feeling like nauseous roadkill. Made it through my 8 (for which I should get a medal!), bought my book, almost napped in the philosophy building, and went to my 11:30. My TA, God bless her, sent me home. When I got in, I wound up sleeping till 5:30.

Last night was long, and mostly crappy. It got somewhat better near the end. I hate choking down my pride, but when it's weighed against those who are important to me, I had to put my relationships first. At least now, I no longer have to stay up at night and worry about whether I put in the effort; I don't really know what will come of it, but I know that I feel better.

Lizzy blames this on my patch.
21 June 2004 @ 01:09 pm
Only I would catch somebody that I didn't want to see while dodging somebody else. Jew Uppa...Jew Uppa double!

In other words, this (I think POLI) guy said "War is politics by other means" today in my PHIL class. I went up to him afterward and asked if he'd had Professor Caddell. He said no, and I said that Caddell liked to rant about Alfred Thayer Mahan. I think this guy had no idea who that is. *stabs face*
21 June 2004 @ 07:52 am
Why the Hell is this patch so difficult to put on?
17 June 2004 @ 01:47 am
I did a tally of this year, and it came up odd. I lost a friendship that meant the world to me, and I hung on too long to one that did nothing good for me. I guess it all comes down to expectations.
For the most part, I tend to expect people to eventually fuck me over or let me down. Paradoxically, this makes me try to savor all that I can before that happens. As a consequence, I have a tendency to let myself get sold short. These relationships tend to fall apart or get tossed when I clean house. Over the summer, I got depressed (which happens whenever I get very isolated), had a lot of time to think, and cleaned house.
One of the relationships was one that was making me not like myself, and when I sat back and looked at the interaction, I saw that I had fallen into the same pattern. It wasn't improving my life, and I needed to focus on things that were. *shrug* I should have realized that I was setting up a problem at a very vulnerable state in my life, but I just wasn't thinking. None of my friendships are casual, and the assurance and validation that I give to them, I know is received in full measure. In this friendship, I always rather felt like I was kind of a 2nd string friend, the friend that kinda served as filler. I guess what ultimately wound up happening is that I made a list in my head of the people that I could count on to be there and for me to really make an impact in their lives, and then I knew where I needed to be.